My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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