lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Randomize
