is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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