sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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