we have pet lesbian snakes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
17 year olds will be the death of me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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