i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
