she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
