go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
