But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
