Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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