yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
