Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
