In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
