He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
