I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
