I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
