did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
