whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
