Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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