I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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