I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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