i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
