im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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