From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
