its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
