you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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