Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
