oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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