you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
