I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
