Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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