Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
