The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's blow job season.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
