I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
