I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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