i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
