And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
