In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
