I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
