I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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