what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
