This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
