I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
