I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
