Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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