you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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