you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
