It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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