Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize