I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
