Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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