Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
