Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize