I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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