is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
