I must be too annoying 4 u.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
