her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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