Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't deserve a penis
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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