is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
