Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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