Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
