You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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