This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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