Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it hurts more in the daytime
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
