Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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