It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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