it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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