I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
