had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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