mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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