No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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