Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
