if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
