No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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