Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
